Hi there in cyber space I am just sitting thinking back over my life 18 years ago I divorced from my wife spent the 2 years and then the next 10 in the bottle as a functioning alcoholic and about 15 smoking pot. I got myself off the booze and the pot but it made my depression deeper about 5 years ago I had a loaded shotgun under my chine I still feel like doing it but I think of my family how it would affect them I have been in therapy for about 4 years on other issues from my past not going in to details about it  and have been taking about my gender dysphoria the last year or so. 
  I don't even like to look at my male genitals and have been tempted to cut the off myself with one of my work knives but that would make vaginoplasty imposable and would hurt like hell and I would probably bleed out before I could get to the hospital 


 peace and love to all