Hi ladies and gentlemen just waiting for my chiropractor appointment to get my back and shoulders adjusted and thinking I need to go back to school  and get into a new job.
I am thinking about massage  therapy going to see about financial aid nexr week to see if I am elageable for assistance. 

   Just me getting a horrible dream out of my head I have had this dream now for four nights in a row and am almost afraid to sleep I work as a butcher currently on the killing floor and cutting room. The nightmare starts out a normal work day processing beef and pork for customers orders but then it gets weird. the only way to explain this with out scaring anyone is the animals have reversed positions with people that I have worked with over the years. I have made an appointment for Monday with my doctor but I feel I should go check myself in to the physciatric ward for help.
  I am looking for other work that is not in the butcher trade and will allow me to transition to the woman I want to be I am also looking into reeducation maybe something in the healing arts or maybe go back to cooking in restaurants. First I will talk to the doctors and see what they say.

peace and love to all        

  Sorry I haven't been blogging of late but I have been worrying about my father he has had many C.A.T scans M.R.Is and blood tests do to a growth on his upper arm they  still haven't determined if it is or isn't cancer I pray every day that its not cancer. 

listening to music trying to get myself out of this funk I'm in the music I usually listen to isn't working as quick as it usually dose any suggestions  

  Hi there in cyber space I am just sitting thinking back over my life 18 years ago I divorced from my wife spent the 2 years and then the next 10 in the bottle as a functioning alcoholic and about 15 smoking pot. I got myself off the booze and the pot but it made my depression deeper about 5 years ago I had a loaded shotgun under my chine I still feel like doing it but I think of my family how it would affect them I have been in therapy for about 4 years on other issues from my past not going in to details about it  and have been taking about my gender dysphoria the last year or so. 
  I don't even like to look at my male genitals and have been tempted to cut the off myself with one of my work knives but that would make vaginoplasty imposable and would hurt like hell and I would probably bleed out before I could get to the hospital 


 peace and love to all 

 Hello just made my first appointment to start permanently remove beard legs under arm chest and belly and to get makeup lessons have to drive about 45 minutes but the hair removal place advertised transgender friendly and is the woman told me that she has many cross dressers and M 2 F customers the appointment is for Saturday. will blog about my experience  and if she would allow posting the name of her business

  Love peace and thanks to all M 2 F and F 2M and those in between  

 Just rambling here I need a vacation so bad I work and work and never seam to get ahead I am tiered and headed in to a funk some days its all I can do to just get out of bed or do any thing. I do feel like going and sign my self in for  psychological reasons at the hospital and just stay there I know that wouldn't solve my problem.  

The Loophole by Garfunkel and Oates

Dana International - Diva (Hungarian TV Show 'Meglepő és Mulatságos').divx

  Went shopping today and all I bought was a GMC sierra its a 2002 but in good nick.  My Chevy
Blazer died 2 weeks ago. I am in a twist though I am trying to figure out how to tell family and friends that I am starting to transition.

  Some times I think it would be easiest to just disappear and transition and not tell anyone I do know that would be worse then if I killed my self don't worry I won't do it. but the feelings are strong for both I am going to go and see my therapist Monday for my regular appointment so I will get advice from her.

  love to every one and peace
 

   Welcome to Friday just started on hormones today just took my first dose after super I now they aren't in my system yet but I could feel my mood change. It must be just the thought of finally starting to becoming who I was meant to be. I am going to go to Toronto to find a lawyer to help with name change and other document change. I will post pictures further on in my blog but not now I don't want to remember this body that I occupy at this time.

   love to all my sisters and brothers who are transiting

letting go

  Hi all this is just to get my feelings out this is the worst year ever 2013 and this part of 2014. So far feelings that I have building for years are over whelming me I feel like I want to just go and leave this world. I don't mean suicide I've been there I didn't pull the trigger 5 years ago the reason I didn't then was the theme from M.A.S.H came on TV Suicide Is painless I started thinking about a friend of mine from Boy Scouts he hung him self in the shower when we were 13 years old I still remember his parents and family how it hurt them. The song is right and wrong suicide is painless to the one who decides to end it but the pain for family and friends never ends it is all ways with you.

 love to all my present friends and family and all future friends my you get what you desire in life